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UPDATED >>
Friday 11/13/09 @ 12:51 pm
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Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble |
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So there was this brief time in my life where I believed in love. More so I believed in being IN love. I let my guard down completely and fell without restrictions or doubt. I pretty much got my heart handed to me in a garbage bag all gross and dead.
I thought I felt the love when I would ride in the car with he-who-must-not-be-named** but now, almost two years later, I realized I felt the love whenever I listened to Michael Buble.
SO.... here's to you, my favorite Canadian (next to my room mate), thanks for making me believe that someone out there is singing this song for me.
"Oh and you know it'll all turn out. You'll make me work so we can work to work it out... I just haven't met you yet."
Much much Love,
Ally.
** - by the way, I did a very grown up thing and stopped hating his guts and wished him luck in life.
P.S. - I'm currently in a healthy, loving relationship with a man that is beating my expectations everyday. ... ... I've also been listening to the Buble on repeat ;)
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Saturday 10/03/09 @ 6:06 pm
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I miss home.
I miss not having to look over my shoulder.
I miss driving to places instead of walking in the cold rain.
I miss my mom.
I miss my friends.
I miss being a "young adult" now I'm just an adult. It sucks.
Growing up fucking sucks.
Toys-r-us had it right.
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| New apartment, new friends, new life, new outlook. |
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UPDATED >>
Sunday 05/24/09 @ 9:34 pm
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I feel refreshed and new-ish.
And even though everything is not perfect, in fact its far from it, I am really happy with where I am at in my life right now.
I saw Every Little Step last night, the A Chorus Line documentary, and I was so inspired. I have what it takes to make a career out of this singing acting dancing thing. I'm excited and feeling good.
Hope this feeling lasts.
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UPDATED >>
Monday 03/23/09 @ 3:55 am
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I'm unhealthy. It is almost 4am on a Sunday night well I guess Monday morning and I can't sleep. I can't sleep because I miss home so so much. I can't sleep because I'm starving. I can't sleep because Andrew gave me the "we need to take a step back" talk AGAIN!
I need meds.
I need Miami.
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UPDATED >>
Thursday 03/05/09 @ 8:53 am
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I'm so beyond exhausted.
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UPDATED >>
Saturday 02/07/09 @ 10:55 pm
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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I think I'm dating a mean man.
I can never do anything right! I swear, he gets pissed at me everyday for stupid, silly shit!
I'm throwing up (since yesterday) and I decided not to go out bc of it and he's telling me "Well move on." and shit. I'm so sick of his crap!
Yet, I love talking to him when he's not being psycho.
FUCK!
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UPDATED >>
Saturday 11/15/08 @ 9:06 pm
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i got my drink and my two step |
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So I'm here in Boston, in my brother's dorm room with his roommates and I started thinking...
I hate boys. I really, really do. I need someone who is secure enough in themselves to not cheat and lie.
I need a man.
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UPDATED >>
Monday 11/03/08 @ 11:26 pm
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I fucking hate TAP DANCING!
Never, ever, ever, ever will I be a tap dancer so just stop trying!
Double, Triple Time Step?!
THE PRODUCERS COMBINATION?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!
Fuck me.
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UPDATED >>
Tuesday 10/28/08 @ 4:49 pm
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mood |
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So I feel so detached from everyone lately. I miss Laura, I miss my family, I miss Megan, but I'm so excited to be here. This cold rain is killing me... SNOW TONIGHT?! Sheesh
I have insane amounts of homework waiting for me upstairs and I just can't bring myself to do it. If I were a Sim character my Social level would be on looooow, along with my Energy and FOOD!
I think I'm gonna go play the Sims now and do my Sight Singing shit. :(
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UPDATED >>
Saturday 10/25/08 @ 7:17 pm
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chipper |
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So going to theater school and having dorms here is a lot like being at States or IEs ... 24/7.
Does anyone remember what that is like? Yeah. EVERYDAY.
I'm exhausted.
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UPDATED >>
Thursday 10/23/08 @ 5:57 pm
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Okay so...
I'm about to fucking kill the people hanging out in my lounge. WHY SO LOUD?!?
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UPDATED >>
Saturday 10/18/08 @ 4:54 pm
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I am so in love with this city.
I think I got placed in level 5 for tap and jazz and level 4 for ballet. :D :D :D :D :D
This is what I've been waiting for!
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Tuesday 10/14/08 @ 1:53 am
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Rock her hips |
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Okay so... I have one day left in Miami.
Thank God.
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UPDATED >>
Monday 10/13/08 @ 9:46 am
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I leave the day after tomorrow.
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UPDATED >>
Wednesday 10/08/08 @ 10:48 am
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So remember in Clueless when Cher and Dion are getting ready for the gay boy to come over and D is doing Cher's makeup and Cher can't stop turning red?
That's what I'm like every fucking day courtesy of my stress about the move. Last night it progressed to feeling itchy all over and scratching in my sleep. I know it sounds gross but I don't have rashes or anything I just want to claw my way out of my own skin.
On another note, Breaking Dawn is pissing me off.
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| really you dont have to read this... |
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UPDATED >>
Sunday 10/05/08 @ 6:24 pm
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Sorry about the multiple entries.
Please feel free to IGNORE this.
I think about you everyday I wake up in the morning and do something totally unremarkable that reminds me of our sleepovers and get this urge to talk to you again. We were supposed to do so many things together! Weddings, baby showers, shows, concerts. It was fucking ripped from us. And I feel guilty that I probably think more about you now than I would if nothing had happened. I know I wouldve called you about this move to new york. I know we'd have one last dinner where we could bring old pictures and talk about how far we've come. And I know you would be so proud of me. I would do so much to spend more time with you. I regret being so nasty to you all those years ago and I know I've apologized countless times but it'll never feel like enough.
There are several things that have always stuck with me that you've said the funniest being "its okay you've changed completely and are one of the kindest people"
How I wish you were right. I'm going to live my life to make you proud because when everyone was hating me you embraced me and made me such a better person.
I love you so much that it hurts sometimes.
Again, I hope you're happy.
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| guitar strumming and poetry writing |
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UPDATED >>
Sunday 10/05/08 @ 4:37 pm
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"natalie party of 2 welcome to chilis your table is now available" |
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So I don't know what brought this up. Maybe its everything that's been happening in my life recently, maybe its the impending move, maybe its because I spend my free time reading the Twilight saga...
I feel like I am so very young. I feel like my life is about to start. And I look back on all the things that I've done and they all seem so...childish. Ok no some of them no child should ever take part in maybe trivial is a better word.
I hope I get a better sense of who I am as a grown up in NY.
On a side note: I seem to be a magnet for unavailable men. (Emotionally and physically unavailable) that's a fairly new development.
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Saturday 10/04/08 @ 12:31 pm
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my best friend's wedding |
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10 fucking days.
One the one hand, they cannot come fast enough. On the other, I want to savor my last days at home.
My mom is moving out of the house to live with her fiancee. I don't have a bed to sleep on at my dad's. It feels like I won't have a home anymore.
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UPDATED >>
Friday 10/03/08 @ 1:07 am
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muse - starlight |
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Gia - You can be such a warm person. That short time I was friends with Nicole I realized just how awesome you are. I hope you're happy in your life and enjoy everything that comes your way. :) Mean that btw.
_______________________________________
On a different note:
I fucking love my life.
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| long entry on the blackberry |
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UPDATED >>
Sunday 09/28/08 @ 2:52 pm
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This year has been one of the weirdest of my life. I feel like I've changed completely and its not really a good thing.
Today I fell asleep (thanks wisdom teeth!) And dreamt about old times.
I remember walking into the little theater for the first time and being awed by it. I remember working with a lot of people who read this journal :).
I know this is gonna come off as corny or as an attempt for attention but I promise I'm just being honest because this is my journal and I feel like it...
Brooke - you are such a great person to be around. I feel like you have this special kind of energy that just makes others feel good. I really wish you the best and I hope you continue doing theater somehow because you are very talented.
Bridget - I can tell you in person :)
Jessica - even in high school I knew you were the one that would have their shit together the fastest. Your talent and dedication and vision will get you far in life. You really are destined for great things (who the hell am I to say that but to me, you are)
Leaf - I don't think I will ever meet someone like you. I can't even put into words how fucking awesome you are! I hope that you find your way in life and that you do all the things you want to do :).
Vero - stop being a lazy ass! You are funny and talented and smart as hell so use it because the tools you need for success are right there! (This comes from a place of love, hope u know that)
And to other people that don't read my journal ...
Maggi - I'm sorry.
Sean McClure - thank you for caring about me even when I was a bitch to you.
Javier - I'm excited about what the future holds in store for you because you are a natural. I hope love gets easier for you.
Chloe - so I kinda know I'm gonna see you in movies one day. You are like Brooke, there is something about you that is so warm and endearing. People with those qualities deserve the world and I know you won't give up until its yours. Know that I support you and I can't wait for the day I see your name in the credits.
Crutty - you are unique. I've never seen someone devote so much of who they are to a friendship. Its an honor to have been friends with someone who is so loyal and selfless.
Hernando - I am so proud of you!
Angelo - I love you. :)
Jelisse - I'm glad that you're happy :). And thank you for the kind words you wrote in my senior year book, they still make me smile.
Johnny - I used to say that we were similar but you are much stronger than I could ever be.
Laura - you have been my rock for six years and this move to new york is going to suck without you. Thank you for being the absolute best friend anyone could ask for and I only hope I was half as awesome to you. (If that make s sense)Looking forward to our next 80 years together lol
Doug - stop lying and grow up. I realize its probably going to take some therapy or something but you can do it. Figure out why you treat people the way you do and admit that you have a problem.
Yesy - I can't keep up with you. I hope you find peace.
Carolina - you are singlehandedly the most dynamic person I've ever known. My love for you is not measurable! Thank you for being my friend, confidant, and fan!! I will try my hardest to keep you in my life forever because really I can't imagine what I'd do without you!
Dani Rosenkrantz- you are like the perfect puzzle piece. I've known you for all of six months and you have become one of the greatest people in my life. Love you!
Megan - I'm so glad our parents met and I'm glad God (or the court house who issued their marriage license) made us sisters. Thank you for your love and support <3
Josh - you meant so much to me. Thank you for setting the bar for my next best guy friend ... I'm still looking because he has some big hobbit shoes to fill.
Odalis - take care of Josh.
Danny Perez (not the hs one) - during our relationship I learned how to compromise. Thank you for showing me how to love someone. I'm sorry you had to be a douche after we broke up but to each his own. Good luck with life.
Ricky - end it if it'll make you happy!
EDIT 1 - Zakk - good luck with everything. I can't believe the stages our relationship has gone through. Don't forget me asshole.
And T - thank you for pushing me to do this always. You are the first real friend I ever had. I love you.
....
If I forgot anyone I'll add edits.
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notatrophywife's journal